MEET THE MOO-FIA

 

The authorities deny their existence. We deny everything. Yet somehow the finest grooming goods in Lancashire keep finding their way into the hands of respectable gentlemen.

These are the associates behind the operation.

 

 

 

AL COWPONE
Boss of the Operation

Known for: Running the syndicate from a secret Lancashire barbershop.

Favourite Product: Stud Mud

“A gentleman should always look respectable. Especially when the police are asking questions.”

 

 

 

 

TWO TEATS TONY
Chief Enforcer

Known for: Settling disputes and carrying suspiciously well-groomed moustaches.

Favourite Product: Moo-Stache Wax

“Respect is earned. Moustaches are sculpted.”

 

 

 

 

UDDER ARMER ANNIE

Head of Security

Known for: Protecting shipments and intimidating rival grooming gangs.

Favourite Product: Udder Armer

“Stay fresh. Stay dangerous.”

 

 

 

 

HARDHORN

Private Investigator

Known for: Finding missing pomades and exposing counterfeit grooming products.

Favourite Product: Milky Pomade

“The truth is out there. Usually hiding behind bad hair.”

 

 

 

 

BESSIE LA BOUCHE

Social Director

Known for: Charm, persuasion and obtaining information others can’t.

Favourite Product: Moo-Shine Beard Elixir

“A little charm goes a long way. A little beard oil goes further.”

 

 

 

 

JOIN THE FAMILY

Become an associate of the Moo-fia and receive secret offers, new product releases and access to restricted grooming goods.